The roads we choose
There is an opinion that you can’t find yourself, you can only create yourself. It means that instead of searching for the meaning of your life you’d better start doing something, and the result will follow. I think you can both find yourself and create yourself – you can do anything, as soon as you stop being afraid to try new things.
You also need the fabric to create the life you want. Ideas, desire, energy. Less than one year ago I had only one thing — desire. To be precise, the idea of what I would like to do in life was also there, but I didn’t have the guts to say it out loud. I also didn’t understand which form this idea could take. So I decided to keep low profile and observe life so that I could pick up the right moment and integrate myself into it. I got up early, did hot yoga, went to see psychologist, slept enough. I already wrote about the power of waiting here. For me it was more or less the same. The only difference was that I wasn’t waiting for a specific vacancy. I was waiting for the impulse to start my own project. The impulse that would come from within and would be true and honest, not to be confused with anything else.
And at long last it happened:)
My friends helped me a lot. They live in various countries, have different occupations and lifestyles – home-birds and cosmopolitans, fashion-lovers and down-shifters, actresses and market analysts. I could never think that a trip to visit one of them would not only open to me the beauty of the ancient European town, but would also give me inspiration for my Life Stylist project.
The trip turned out to be great – nice town, open minded people and lots of inspiring conversations. We were sitting with Sasha in a small café talking about life and careers that we chose. He told me why he left abroad to hunt for a job in international relations and how much he gained from this decision. We talked about common friends and his friends which I didn’t know. Sasha told me a story about his colleague. She was dating a guy who worked for the same international organisation, but in a different country. They would fly over to each other for the week-ends and everything seemed to work well. Then they broke up – he met another woman. She was desperate. At that moment she got an opportunity to apply for a job in … Yemen. And she did, cause this job was meant for her. And she got it. Half a year later she met her future husband there. They are married now, live in Berlin and raise a son.
Why am I telling you all this?
It happens quite often that I hear the following question during coaching sessions: “Is something wrong with me, if relations don’t work out?” As we go further analysing the situation, it often turns out that the person finds it difficult to answer the question on what he or she loves doing. In other words, there’s no source of energy that will always be there for you – regardless of whether you are in love, single, divorced or you just broke up.
I am not saying that once you find what you love doing your private life will automatically get better. But the probability is higher. Why? The answer is obvious – cause you will have an autonomous source of energy and pleasure which doesn’t depend on how great/awful your recent date was, whether you heard the compliments you awaited, spent the week-end together or not etc.
Now, honestly, how many articles about “how important it is for a woman to be self-sufficient” did you read? Quite a lot? Same here:) Still, at times I hesitated and thought that perhaps this is after all not true. Having a relationship must be thousand times more important, so finding what I love doing can wait!
I shared my thoughts with Sasha saying that relations is #1 thing, and the rest is #2 or even #22 down the list of important things in life. And he told me this story about his friend who moved to Yemen. He concluded: «So don’t hesitate. If you need to go to Yemen, go to Yemen».
«Silly me!», was my first reaction. In my thoughts I thanked Sasha. He showed me discreetly that the lack of balance in my approach towards life is a big obstacle. This comforting and honest talk made me realise that if I need to go to “Yemen”, I’ll go there. And love will find me on the way:) Not the other way around.
Next day I was in a bus on my way to the airport when first ideas started to pop up in my head. It was not convenient to write them down in my smart phone, so when at the airport I rushed to the first shop and bought a notebook of my favorite turquoise color. During the flight I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. What will be the title of my website and why, which sections it will consist of, whom I will work for, which services I will offer plus the plan (draft texts for the website, register domain name, pay for website hosting, finalise brief on design, specify target audiences, publish Facebook posts about coaching, ask clients to write their feedback etc). It took quite some time to finalise texts for the website, and we did change the design about a week before the launch, and at times I continued doubting myself. But I made the first step. And it gave me strength.
At present moment I am rather at the beginning of my journey, but I continue to walk. And movement means energy. Every coaching session gives me invaluable experience, while working with my coach gives me inspiration and support.
Here I am, walking, making a small step, every day.
P.S. I came home and soon fell in love. It’s a pure happiness – to share the joy of what you do with that special someone and see admiration in his eyes, feel his support. Regardless of how my project will develop further, I am already happy, because I do what I love doing. I am in love with it.
And I am in love with life.
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